…when i’ve been so acutely aware of so many different little worries, like spinning-tops rushing around my thoughts, too many butterflies in too small of a cage, short frenetic breaths in dense air, or that runaway bicycle from my childhood - the one that my brother crashed at the caravan park - he nearly held it, but there was one bump too many - oh, there’s a chance i’ll make it stop, things will slow, and i’ll be in control again. time, they say, always time. composure is the key to these things, or maybe writing a list, ordering the weight, and doing some sums. although, that harmless piece of crumpled paper serves to make my head spin more. instead, i’ve seen on ‘House’ that they can induce a coma when the body needs to get well without complications. so, some poetic-metaphor-sibling of that would suit my little thought-tornado, just perfectly.
February 2011
32 posts
woken by my brother, get surfboards strapped to roof, 6.50am sunrise, at surf spot by 7am, shred feet on rocks and catch a few, back for coffee by 9am.
long drive home to Wellington now. will be glad to be back. sunday mornings always stir philosophical questions inside me. bobbing on the tide, seeing the sun break through clouds, my twin brother nearby. i can’t help but wonder about it all.
he’ll go his way, i will go mine. that old feeling of missing somebody before they’ve gone…
[ click the above link to be taken to the facebook events page ]
a music journalist writes about her experience in Christchurch yesterday.
for anybody worried, i’m safely up in Wellington. i was saddened as more and more reports came through of places i’d stayed in or visited that are now rubble. i feel pretty helpless here and if the opportunity to help arises then i will do what i can. my thoughts are with those in Christchurch and the hard first night they are about to endure. very sad for a beautiful town and its people.
and i’m going for a walk in my famous blue raincoat.
[ i could still do with some wellington boots though ]
i have found a house to move into in 2 weeks
it’s in Aro Valley
i was pretty happy in my house on the hillside with great views of Wellington
but alas, sometimes some people totally suck
and one of my housemates is like that
[ that is the limit of what i’ll say. no dirty laundry here ]
STILL… the positives…
my new house/flat is above a coffee shop
across the road from a bakery [ yum ]
10 mins walk from my job [ which means more sleeping-in time on work days ]
close to the city centre
PLUS great housemates who’re good friends
‘for all the marbles’ by amandine
if i could begin to describe the memories that this song provokes inside of my puny heart on a tired evening then i think i’d have a bookshelf of novels. they’d be scenes painted in dusty sun beams of late summer. or cold hands on autumn mornings in a small town far from here. leaves cluttering the promenade and lots of people wrapped up, some cycling past me. rabbits are on the grass on the roundabout near your house, and you love them. i walk around the lake, taking my time, reading my book on a bench - to give you space.
[ *sits vacantly staring at his computer screen now. the song loops. i am looking through the screen without focus.* ]
out of the bad comes the good. life goes on. songs keep singing. seasons keep turning. and as long as you’re ok, nothing else matters.
to catch my flight
i’m now sat, all checked in
it’s 5.19am
and i’ve already spilt two separate substances onto my clean white t-shirt
[ but it’s not famous, or torn at the shoulder ]
[ i am looking forward to it muchly ]
it is somewhere i have never been before
[ although i’m only really there for one day ]
i will be meeting friends and driving to Jervis Bay on Thursday morning
après cela…
the plan is:
- SURFING [ if i get my way ]
- sea kayaking
- wandering
- eating well
- maybe a bike ride
- hanging out
i’m going to buy a raincoat after work though
for the forecast is thunderstorms
[ what colour should i buy? blue. or. yellow. ]
hey there anonymous,
valentines day all-to-often passes me by like just another day… and even though i could be all macho and blokey [ not me at all, but just stay with me on this one… ] …and i could say it doesn’t matter - it is still really super to get some kind words like this. it makes my day better, and sure is nice to know…. and most of all it helps me keep faith in the things that i believe in that i’ve not yet found. so thank-you from my little heart, and happy valentines day to you too :)
from
ali
so i had a troubled night of sleep last night. for a few reasons. but it meant my sleep was mostly just below the surface of a hearty slumber. when i’m like this i tend to have semi-lucid dreams, kind of like when one has a day-time nap.
now, i’m not one to recount dreams as if they’re interesting for anybody else… as - to be honest - i don’t think i’ve ever found anyone else’s dream interesting at all. it was more just that i thought i’d write this down, for my own memory more than anything else, that last night - coincidentally on the eve of a commercially [ Hallmark ] created card-selling day - i dreamt that i was falling in love.
this, of course, means absolutely nothing, for sadly it was just a dream. but it felt very very real and it was comforting that fate or circumstance triggered it in my weary hazy thoughts. even though i woke up a little heavy booted because of it, it was nice to be reminded that we are capable of such infinte feeling, even when we sleep. on the weekend, from standing on the top of the highest hill around; i see the world is such an inconceivably big place [ i think i often just live in what is immediately around me, sometimes forgetting that the rest is there ].
in a big world we are so entertainingly small [ i am quite humbled by this ]. sometimes, in order to totally confuse myself, or worry myself… i wonder about time… like: are we on the cusp of losing our senses…? it’s stupid, i was told off by friends. i’m not crazy. i just don’t dig too much of the “improvements” that new technology brings. maybe we should encourage self-awareness, self-fault-finding, or maybe there’s no point? in the slow, sleepy river of time - our lives are nothing but brief [ so i try my best always; to be a good person, to be honest and act upon my aspirations ]. and here, in a multitude of already so many emotions - some of them feel like the weight of everything all at once. anyway, here: love exists - enchantingly complex, full of contradictions, but it’s there…. i know because i dreamt it.
[ road trip ]
[ two days of surfing ]
[ camping by the sea in a remote location ]
[ possibly hanging around in a canyon ]
eek. i’m going to buy a sleeping bag after work.
I’m designing some parts for the refurbishment of the badger mill for Ohakuri hydro plant. It’s quite complicated, but interesting. When there is insufficient water level (head) behind the dam, they close the sluice gates and use a secondary mill to generate power. You can expect to get about 30% of the standard operating power from the secondary mill so it’s quite important for times when there is not much rainfall. What happens is, that when it is dry badgers come out of their sets to look for food. Mighty River Power have utilised this to good effect by rounding up the badgers and using them in the secondary mill (badger mill). It’s kind of like a more complicated version of a hamster wheel, but you have 50 wheels running simultaneously. I’ve heard it’s quite a sight, hopefully I will go there on a site visit to check it out. I’m currently working on the feed pumps that pump liquid high protein badger feed directly to each of the badgers. It’s quite difficult cos if the flow rate is too low, the badgers go hungry and don’t turn the mill as fast. If the flow rate or pressure is too high, the badgers will explode, and the plant will be inoperative until more badgers are rounded up.
Anyway, it’s interesting work. I’ll let you know how it goes.
whilst smelling my spiced apple tea this morning, i got overwhelming thoughts laced with some bittersweet sibling of nostalgia, of an old, safe home. i breathed in, deeper and firmer, cinnamon air and a butterfly heart.
hey folks…
if you’re in Wellington this evening
[ and really reeeallllly bored…. ]
then please feel free to pop down to:
The Watusi Bar, 6 Edward Street
at around 8pm
[ unfortunately there’s a $5 charge ]
[ but that’s to keep the riffraff out ]
if you’re one of those modern-folk on that famous social networking site
then the link [ to THE event ] is here:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=162724800441663
oh gosh, oh golly
i’m quite nervous thinking about this.
but happily i’m at a stressfully monotonous day-job that’ll help keep my mind from wandering
[ that was sarcasm ]
